The Legion in Song

Fans will be fans — even the fans who are pros, like E. Nelson Bridwell — and as such, fans will filk.  (“Filking” is the act of creating a fannish song about a subject.  Frequently humorous in nature, and often using someone else’s tune, although completely original filks are done, too.) (Is “The Star-Spangled Banner” a filk, since it uses the tune of “To Anacreon in Heav’n”?) The Legion has had a handful of filks done for it, starting as early as the 1960’s.  Here are a few that I have found. “The Legion of Super-Heroes,” by E. Nelson Bridwell   (to the tune of “The Stars and Stripes Forever”) “Legionnaire Rhapsody,” by Poltergeist   (to the tune of Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody”) “The Ballad of Brainy 5,” by David Serchay   (to the tune of Sondheim’s “The Ballad of Sweeny Todd”)   “The Official Legion of Super-Heroes Flamewar Song,” by Danny Sichel and Lev Kalman   (to no particular tune, but using an “ABCB” rhyme scheme)

From Inferior Five #2 Text by E. Nelson Bridwell / Art by ??? © DC Comics In Inferior Five #2, the man pictured above with the lyre came to the Inferior Five’s headquarters, offering to write them a fight song, and demonstrated ones he had written for everyone from the Justice League to the Sea Devils.  The issue also included a panel of him actually visiting — or at least getting kicked out of — the Legion clubhouse, with Invisible Kid’s voice. (The Five actually ended up buying a fight song from him.) Here, in easier to read form, is the text of the song: “Legion Fight Song” (to the tune of “Stars and Stripes Forever”) The Legion of Super-Heroes Is the club that will beat ev’ry bad guy! We’ll fly through the reaches of space, And each time we will score an ace! We’ll police ev’ry world that exists, And we’ll never wind up making zeroes! ...We’ll clash with the foe in the lists ...Until we’ve won, The Le-gi-on of Super-Heroes! (No, I don’t think it scans very well, either.  Might be better if I knew “Stars and Stripes Forever,” though.)

Circa Legion of Super-Heroes v4 #87, when the “Team 20” Legionnaires had been stranded in the 20th century and “Team 30” had to continue without them and held tryouts, this filk was posted to one of the Legion mailing lists.  It was posted (and presumably filked) by someone with the net-name “Poltergeist” (probably with the last name Cinelli, from New Jersey); without the ability to vet this with him or her, I am posting it without explicit permission. “Legionnaire Rhapsody” (to the tune of “Bohemian Rhapsody” by Queen.) Lori: Is this the future? And how did I get here? Now I’m an adult— Rond: Guess what young Lady? Not for long.  Kinetix: Emerald Eye! Look up to the sky and see. Vi: I was the Shy girl Now I’m the new Empress  Spark: And Lyle Norg likes me. Lyle: No, it’s Cham. Cham: That’s the truth. Spark: That’s OK.  Gates: All these things the kids do Doesn’t really matter to me. To me.  Rokk: Imra, where are we now? Are we in the twentieth? That’s a fate that’s worse than death Brainy, what do we do now? I’m not going to throw my life away.  Garth: Imra, oooooo Didn’t mean to let you know. If you come back soon I’m going to tell you. Come back soon, come back soon, And I guess my twin sister, too.  Brainiac: Oh, no, my belt is crushed. It’s not beneficial. Now we’re trapped, primitive hell. Tinya: Hello, everybody, I’ve hung around. I’m a ghost that’s linked to Jo forevermore.  XS: Oh Rokk, oooooo I wish you were here. I sometimes wish I’d never met you at all.  Thom: I see a dreamer named Nura in my future Nura: I know, Thom. I know, Thom, Where you’ll be Saturday night. Triad: Final round of Tryouts We’ll see how you handle Cham. (Take him, Umbra) (Buh-Bye Cannus) (You go, Magno) (Ugh, poor Floyd) Triad: And Sensor finishes it off. Thom, Garth, Zoe, Triad: Magnifico!  M’Onel: Lived in the Nineties People Worship me. Triad: A Legionnaire, but Valor’s our deity. Brande: We’ll change his name so he can roam free.  Sensor: That was just a disguise, this is my true form. Garth: Princess Jeka, we would like you to join. (She’s a Snake!) Zoe: Oh, Sensor, we would like you to join. (She’s a Snake!) Thom: Oh, Sensor, we would like you to join. (She’s a Snake!) Triad: We want you to join. (She’s a Snake!) Sensor: Thank you, thank you, thank you! I will join! (oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi!) Inferno: By the fire, I am stuck here! Erin: We are stuck here let’s find help. Gates: The writers have a death scene set aside for me, for me, for me! (insert Headbanging here) Dragonmage: So you think you can dis me without even a chance, So you think I’m a mage and I’ll be a danger. Oh, Mordru Can’t do this to me Legion! I’m gonna come back! I’m gonna show you who’s strong.  Jan: Life don’t really matter. It’s death when you are free. Doesn’t really matter. Doesn’t really matter to me.  Garth: Imra please come home soon.

David Serchay posted this item in July 1996, following a discussion about showtunes (which probably branched off from the recurring “Which Legionnaires might be gay?” threads): “The Ballad of Brainy 5” (loosely based on the opening (and closing) song from Sweeney Todd) Attend the tale of Brainy 5 Probably the smartest teen alive He invented all kinds of super things That ended up helping whole planets of beings Who owe the fact that they’re alive To Brainy 5 The super genius from Colu He kept a lab in the HQ Always has an invention or two He learned to open the temporal door To find out what happened to Brainiac 4 Did Brainy, did Brainy 5 The super genius from Colu Blow your labs up high, Brainy! Blow them to the Skyyyyyyyyy! Just don’t make a Computo or Omegaaaaaaaaaaa! His skin is green, his hair is blond He used to work with a guy named Rond He has a thing for a Daxamite But before he could tell her she was out of sight At least he knows she is alive Does Brainy 5 The super genius from Colu Brainy wants to left alone Brainy studies all that’s known Force field belts Medical tests Thinking that all of his teammates are pests Brainy was drafted by Madame C As part of her plans for the UP Not his choice Not his desire But later on he didn’t retire Brainy! Brainy! Brainy! Brainy! Brainy! Brainy! Brainy! Brainy! Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaainyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! Attend the tale of Brainy 5 (Attend the tale of Brainy 5) Probably the smartest teen alive (Probably the smartest teen alive) What happens next is in the book So go buy a copy and take a look At Brainy At Brainy 5 The super genius from Colu

In February, 1996, (“The Great and Powerful”) Danny Sichel wrote: How this started: there was a debate over the origins, modifications and appropriateness of the phrase “(Great) Floating v4 Flamewar.”  Troy (I think) said that aesthetic appeal is important — after all, how would you like “The Moderately Okey-Dokey Floating v4 Flamewar”?  I responded that that was the name, and first line, of a song Mordru recorded at the height of his vaudeville career.  Earlier this evening, while my supper was in the microwave, I started playing around on my piano, trying to get the tune just right... and by the time I was eating, the lyrics were just pouring through my brain. Disgusting image, eh?  Without much further ado, I hereby present what there is, so far, of: The Official Legion of Super-Heroes Flamewar Song!!! (chorus) It’s... the... MOderATEly OKey-DOKey FLOATing VEE-four FLAMEwar... It goes on all the time The Moderately Okey-Dokey Floating v4 Flamewar The Legion at its worst and its prime! (verse 1) “I blame it all on Giffen.” “You’re wrong, the Bierbaums suck!” “Oh yeah, well what do you know, You goddamn worthless stupid f— It’s the Moderately (etc.) (verse 2) Look what they did to Tenzil! And who’s this Proty/Garth? My God, they crippled Dawnstar! I think I’m gonna have to b— It’s the Moderately (etc.) Lev Kalman then contributed a third verse: (verse 3) Then there is these new guys They’re called SW6 They may be an inspiration or just a bunch of d— It’s the Moderately (etc.) (As to that bit about Mordru’s vaudeville career... don’t ask.  Really.  It’s a running Internet fan joke.  Take it as a given that the last gasps of his career are the only explanation for lowering himself to star in the two “Challenge of the Super-Heroes” TV shows in the 1970s.  [And to be chased by Adam West on a jet-ski!]  Oh, how the mighty had fallen!)